My Soft, Round Tummy

I have had a soft, round tummy my entire life. The closest to flat it has ever been was in sixth grade, when I was living on toaster strudels every morning and ice cream every night (a growth spurt seemed to even it out). I remember learning that during the Renaissance if you were pale and a little bit chubby it meant you lived a fabulous life, and thinking man, that should have been my time!

my tummy and I in third grade 

I started consciously sucking it in around 8 years old. Self-consciousness peaked again when I started working as substitute teacher and was bombarded with stranger children obnoxiously asking me "are you pregnant?!". I perfected the 'here's why that's not an appropriate question to ask a woman ever' speech. At my worst times, I am absolutely mortified when I see photos where my soft tummy is evident, and turn to each possible angle when trying on clothing to see if I am effectively hiding my round stomach.

my tummy and I in high school 

my tummy and I at the Grand Canyon in 2016

Lately, some really amazing boss ladies (particularly Mindy Kaling,  Kesha, and Amy Schumer, because my life is exactly like theirs and everything) have really inspired me to stop trying to act like my body shape is a secret I'm dying to keep. Likely, anyone who knows me in any capacity has noticed my shape, maybe thought for a moment "I know she works out a lot, she must eat a lot of cookies too" (sometimes I do), but in the end not spend more than 10 seconds thinking about it. Than why have I spent hours upon hours worrying about hiding it from them? Why do I spend so much time worrying about my midsection when I know I have fantastic hair, fabulously strong Jazzercise-instructor legs, and a constant sunny smile?

It's hit me that more than likely, NO ONE NOTICES my soft, round tummy except for me. My loved ones might take notice of my appearance from time to time, but more than that they love me for me.
And they aren't even focused on my previously described killer legs either... they're focused on the joy I bring to a room, the creativity I live my life with,  and the intentionality I pursue relationships with.

 In the end, my soft round tummy is part of me... but not a very important part. Maybe even a part I can learn to accept and love, and live my life not worrying about.